Tuesday, September 27, 2005

yay! today PE is cancelled! can go home earlier and sleep, before mugging for tml's gp exam. yup, exams are coming very fast. though feel a bit anxious but i have no more fears! can feel the peace that is from God. a few amazing things happened on sunday, quite fun on sunday...

1. during cluster bible study worship, we sang my fave song, "Refuge"! totally love that song to the core!

2. we learned abt boy-girl relationship. seriously i dun see myself thinking abt such things now. haha....but we got to know how much money to save when we want to get married and how to save money while preparing for the wedding. the best part has to be when pastor jabez shared abt his experience, hilarious!

3. got the chance to do a little bit of studying before the whole gang group trooped down to caleb's house for some heart attack and kfc.

4. God's revealation maybe? met up with my mentor, Grace on friday for dinner. we were just talking abt stuff when she commented that i was influential (???), that whatever i propose ppl will follow. i was puzzled by that. and on sunday, Frankie told me to influence certain ppl. i was like huh? after talking to Grace abt it, she was "oh, must be God talking to you!"

seriously, i dun see myself as influential. i do see myself as a tad loud and very irritating. i guess i just like the company of ppl. well, anyway Grace asked me to put it in a good use. hmmm....i'll try.

anyway, i'll have to prepare for my group's presentation in mr. sas class. i just hope that everything will go smoothly.

Thought of the day: i really like this verse "For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. " [2 Chronicles 16:9]

Friday, September 23, 2005

1.so bored now
2.waiting for assembly to start
3.didn't wear contact lens so cannot see anything
4.thinking of what to write in a encouragement note to my friend
5.going for dinner with grace later

seen so many ppl listing things in their blogs. one even exclaimed loudly that she is sick of writing essays. yup, me too.

ppl are studying now for promos.

i dun even noe what im writing now. things just doesn't link. ppl dun really appear like what they seem. the whole world is just so confused. chaos and confusion. lit essay. missing my mp3 player. all the songs played on radio are making me puke.

my fave canto song...i missed this song! (testing)

"你会�现处境�算�其实世事转得这么快
原�世界这样大
世界这样大"

世界这样大 (The World Is So Big) by �奕邦(Pong Nan)




His album: Love him lots!

Monday, September 19, 2005

fear

1. consultaion with Mr.Sas
2. will not do well for promos and will not be promoted

1. "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you." [Deut 31:6]

2. `For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, `plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. [Jer 29:11]

Thought of the day: There is no fear in HIM. the only thing to do is to fear HIM.

Friday, September 16, 2005

"I've got it all, but I feel so deprived
I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside
Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing
And why can't I let it go

[Chorus]
There's gotta be more to life...
Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me
Cause the more that I'm...
Tripping out thinking there must be more to life
Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more
Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly
Here in this moment
I'm half way out the door
Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

i'm wanting moreI'm always waiting on something other than this
Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed....."

Stacie Orrico, "(There's Gotta Be) More To Life"

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

things have been happening so much without a warning. a friend's dad just passed away, got scolded by some teacher, people who are not wat they seem. slapped by the unexpected happenings of life, feel so tired and drained.

i dun noe how my friend is feeling after what happened. heard from other friends that she will be strong for the sake of her family. feel so encouraged. girl, if u are reading this, know that we are all going to be there for u. we may not know how it is like to lose someone close to u, but having ppl there for u will lessen the pain!

just feel that after all the striving, and all the hard efforts, and all the running away, we are all going to die. just feel like giving up

suddenly the feeling of awe and fear is in me. literature calls it sublime. to be awed at the magnificent and majesty of someone and yet there is fear because u just realise how small u are to the person or thing. i guess thats what we are to HIM lah. so small in significant to HIM. everything that we have comes from HIM, all our lives are in HIS hand. no one knows what is going to happen, except for HIM. everything is done in HIS will. so like my cg Bible study on sunday! God's sovereignty is something that we noe, and yet its comforting to know that HE is in control! i guess it changes the way i see it. the way to admitting that HE is sovereign is not to grumble or whine. by grumbling or whining, its like saying that HE cant do anything good for me.

as for the teacher who scolded me, im not going to say anything except to say that he has NO PROBLEM WITH LOGIC and that he is highly INTELLECTUAL. i admit that i have a problem with logic and that i copied everything from the web (im highly amazed at that fact because i dun have internet access at home and i wont bother finding info for sch stuff on the internet. how ironic.)

Thought of the day: Be assured that nothing will happen without HIS permission.

Monday, September 12, 2005

didn't went to sch today. nope, its not becuz i had the terrible headache. wanna guess the reason? i couldn't find my blouse. lame huh. made a huge fuss this morning. in the end, my mom said that she will write a letter and i have to stay at home to look after my lil brother.

feel so tired and drained. tired because i slept at one again watching the hk serial. drained becuz im so overwhelmed at all the things to do. felt like crying at yesterday camp com meeting. so many programmes to plan, so many decisions to make and so many ppl who are waiting for us to take the next stage. and yet my promos are cruelly creeping nearer and nearer to me and the homework pile are getting taller and taller everyday.

cant seem to see my priorities anymore. the promos are very IMPORTANT as they determine my future for next year. moreover, im EXTREMELY DETERMINED to get my marche treat. heard that, kun quan? however, the camp will not go well if i dun do anything. and it was me who wanted to get into camp com so i cant disappoint frankie, farand and eunice.

i guess i have to pray that HE will readjust my priorities. just cant wait for promos to be over so that i can concentrate on the planning of youth camp.

another bad thing: my mp3 player is spoiled. i just cant seem to on it. so i have to rely on unreliable wireless network to bring me entertainment while i do mr.sas essay. gosh, i need to get back to it now.

Thought of the day: When it seems that problems seemed big enough to crush you, always remember that the one in you is big enough to crush the problems



Thought of the day: HE is only a prayer away.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

its 1:45 am now. im going to have less than 7 hours of sleep. just typed my gothic film essay but havent finish yet. suppose to need 6 points but i only have 2 points and all crap. going to sleep and pray tat HE will give me some inspiration. but not before i blogged first.

quite amazing. im able to tap into wireless network from my house. dun noe i stole it from where, not that im going to take the effort to find out. here's some credit, thanks whoever u are. it was great using YOUR wireless network.

quite remarkable. just now i was trying to find someone who could be able to send me the gothic powerpoint slides but there was none. and then i went online and saw my classmate but i didn't dare to ask her as we are not that close. i think we spoke less than five sentences in this year. but time was ticking and i was getting desperate so i held my breath and asked her. in the end, she sent it to me! so happy! really want to thank her. if not for her, i probably would be stuck at the first paragraph of my essay.

i guess alot will happen if i only took the initiative. feel so mature all of the sudden. haha. who am i kidding. the big girl and little girl esp session came into my mind. in some aspects of my life, i feel like a small girl. for one, i always whine and rely on other ppl for my happiness. but God is doing things to change me.

looking back at my 16 3/4 years, feel so thankful for all the people and experiences that HE has put me through. ppl like Jedidiah who encourages me and i know that they will support and be be behind me, esp Bethia who constantly nag at me to study and pampered me like her sister. grace for being my role model, for being my mentor and guiding me through difficult times. pris for always sending me home, for being my very good friend, for keeping my secrets (even though ppl always somehow know), for just walking me through my life. caleb leow, for training me in my patience, for making my life interesting (i know life is NEVER QUIET with u around). raymund for showing....erm i dun noe, but i know i benefit from u. kun quan for giving me a motivation to study, for always buying me things (dun noe said correctly or not...thanks for letting us steal ur wallet) andrew fam for being such a wise person who tells us wat is right and wat is wrong, for teaching me maths. and u are still going to be my future XA. not something else. ppl whose name is not mentioned, i will write about next time. dun worry, i still love u all. *muakz*

am i writing this in dreamland? LALALALA *eating the chocolate buffet that kun quan prepared*

Thought of the day: We are still under construction. no prize for guessing who is our construtor. =)

Friday, September 09, 2005

feel so stupid. having three posts in the same day, but i am so super bored! and yes, i refuse to start on any of my work-human beings are so lazy. now in the same room as ppl playing maple story and cs. so they are of course shouting at each other while im all quiet and calm and listening to my mp3 player. mp3 player is only good for one thing. and now caleb is laughing beside me and also moaning because he got killed. GROW UP PLS.

yes, im easily irritated now. well, the cause of the irritation is my quarrel with my mom. she just refused to let me stay over at pris' house. says its one of the house rules. SINCE WHEN DID OUR HOUSE HAVE RULES?! and the rules does not make sense. is if we will talk to each other when i stay at home. and its is if me and pris are going to have a wild time and sniffing drugs and drink alcohal. yes we are having a wild time staring at the tv screen for likes of cute guys like edison chen and keanu reeves. and doing my gothic essay.

dun understand them. when i was young, they gave me much freedom. but now that i've grown up, they are restricting my freedom. opps, they just realized that im turning into a rebellious kid and is trying to stop me. well, guess what, too late. i've become what i've become.

Thought of the day: nil. dun feel like thinking.

what more can i say?

Thought of the day: HE is really good

feel so despairing. LALALALA...oh man i think im getting cheuk and vanessa's retardedness...

trying to dl songs but cant. WHY ON EARTH IS EVERYONE USING RAPIDSHARE? I CANT USE RAPIDSHARE!!

faced with the dreadfulness that i have to waste $3 on borrowing the vcd of constatine just to do my gothic film essay. i dun even know whether i have $3 now. feel like claiming money from mr.yeo. but i know he will just kick me out of class.

oh no i havent done any of the hw. havent read finish my lit readings. havent done sas essay. havent done my lit group presentation. havent done gothic film essay. havent done maths tutorial. HAVENT READ FINISH JANE EYRE!! im so dead. someone help me plan my funeral pls.

Thought of the day: if there is so much work to be done in the holidays, i really rather not have holidays.

Monday, September 05, 2005

skipped sch today. yes although its the holidays but i still have lessons. woke up today having a splitting a headache. its so typical of me to have a headache that caused me not able to do anything, except to do the things i like. yup, im evil and have headaches whenever i like. but, please do not suspect me. i really had a headache today, enough said. but its not enough to stop me from feeling guilty. feeling guilty that i didn't turned up for my lit group discussion and forgetting to let them know. im sorry guys. feeling guilty that i just remember that i had missed not only one class but two classes today. im like so dead. feeling guilty that my headache came from sleeping at one yesterday night watching the hk serial. its stupid for the tv station to put my fave show on such a late time.

yesterday had a fun time in church. supposed to have open sunday games but becuz it was raining, we got to see the dvd of united live, "Look To You". super cool. its was really great to see so many youths to worship HIM and also to rededicate their lives to HIM. they also played my fave song in the album, "All For Love". when the song was playing, i was singing and crying becuz i had forgotten to worship HIM in my busy times. i guess Sam really had slapped me hard in the face when he mentioned that it was one thing to sing the songs and walked away without a life change, but its another thing to worship in SPIRIT and TRUTH. but also in our livestyles. have i really live out in a way that other ppl can see God in me? i dun know.

i remembered the day that i skipped maths lecture to supposedly do my lit hw. in the end, i ended up writing about my feelings and thoughts. i was listening to kun quan's mp3 player. listening to UNITED songs. i wrote about how man were created to have the desire to worship God, to let go of every single thing to worship HIM. and yet man just chose to ignore that desire. in the first two lines of "Always", its says "Did you rise the sun for me? Or paint a million stars that i might know your majesty?" it says so much to me. The Father has placed so many wonders around us so that we might know His majesty and to worship HIM. and yet we chose to ignore it. even though in the end, i got caught, got a green form and have to do cwo (water the plants), i still felt that it was worth it. i felt so much better after writing that and i felt that God was telling me to rest in HIM (but that does not mean that i wan to get another green form)

Thought of the day: "All for love a Saviour prayed Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do,let the Cross draw man to You" All For Love by Hillsongs United

Friday, September 02, 2005

yeah, its been such a long time since i last updated my blog. have been changing my blog skin and cleaning it...now its "jian de guang". haha wah, so noisy, all the retarded childish boys around me are playing cs, and whenever they got shot they start shouting. SO NOISY. feel like shouting to them that IT'S ONLY A GAME!!!

so many things have happened since i last updated. for one, i got fired from my job, got back my 'o' levels result, went to pjc. i think u all noe what happened. now i will try my best to update the blog...

Thought of the day: its not good to be with guys who played cs while you are having a headache.

HEARTS OF FENCING

A little faith
Brightens a rainy day
Sun will shine, my friend

His Beloved